


you say you miss me, so then i drive back to you

by tonisblossom



Category: Riverdale - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Ouch, fluff but not that much, kind of a happy ending?, soft, the makeup before the breakup :D
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:00:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28967958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonisblossom/pseuds/tonisblossom
Summary: basically, we're all tired of not seeing toni show any emotions on this damn show, for the exception of her lil angry pout and we're all fed up with it. and she made an incredibly tough decision last episode and we deserved to see the aftermath and so..here's the aftermath. I wrote this listening to a song called violent by carolesdaughter, so if you want to set the mood def listen to that at the same time. anyways, i'll shut up noww i hope you enjoy :')
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz
Comments: 5
Kudos: 89





	you say you miss me, so then i drive back to you

**Author's Note:**

> toni deserves better.

toni was a _complete fucking mess_. 

walking away from cheryl like that with a promise of how they’d figure things out, said in utter desperation of wanting to reassure her equally as distraught girlfriend, when she herself was so fucking uncertain, nearly broke her. 

the pink haired girl had seen cheryl cry countless of times before, she’d never be able to count the amount of times on her hands.

but watching cheryl swallow back the sobs screaming to escape, her eyes glossy with tears that were threatening to fall, while her face showed nothing but utter adoration and awe, her words understanding and comforting, somehow hit her ten times harder than the times the redhead had sobbed into her chest with grief.

toni topaz had been through hell and back and somehow managed to survive, whether that was up to fate or not, she doesn’t know.

but right here and now, she wasn’t sure if she was ever going to feel good again, _alive_.

not when her entire planned future with cheryl had come to an abrupt stop, neither of them sure if they’d be able to come out of this one together. 

the one, truly good thing she had in her life, felt like it was slipping out of her hands at record speed and she felt helpless, so _so_ _fucking_ _helpless_. 

having to drive home, to a trailer, and not cheryl’s arms was absolutely devastating. 

“toni, nice of you to grace us with your presence.” 

toni gave a small smile to her grandmother in response, standing there in the familiar yet unfamiliar doorway of her grandparents trailer. 

she’d managed to get a ride home with fangs. the dark haired boy was fairly bad at hiding the pure shock on his face at the question, but he said nothing else and the drive had been quiet, but comfortable, some song playing in the background as she looked out at the familiar surroundings of the southside despite it being so dark outside.

she had thanked fangs with a small smile, waving at him when he drove away before she had walked over to her motorcycle, her crown was still on full display, perched proudly on her head despite the lack of meaning it had to her. 

but it meant something to cheryl, and so, it meant something to her

she safely tucked it into the storage department of her motorcycle, not wanting her grandmother to question her about it, not wanting her to undoubtedly make a good night, bad. 

the crown now in remembrance to the amazing night she’d had with her girlfriend. 

she wasn’t gonna let her grandmother take that away from her. 

“did you have a good time, little dove?” her grandfather’s comforting voice spoke up, toni meeting his gaze with a small nod.

“yeah..it was nice to be with all my friends and just let loose..” the pinkette explained with a small smile, reminiscing of her night as her hand fiddled with her dress as she tried to distract herself. 

“and what about that redhead? did you meet her?” 

“she’s a part of my friend group. it’s not like i could just _ignore_ her..” toni mumbled under her breath as she met her grandmother’s eyes, she knew better than to speak to her grandmother like that, was raised better. 

but she was hurt, and angry, could you blame her?

“ _antoinette,_ do i have to remind you of what horrible things the blossoms have done to us, for generations? do i have to explain myself as to why i don’t want you any way near her?”

an uncomfortable silence filled the small trailer, toni regretting how she’d spoken to her grandmother, fighting an inside battle with herself on how to appropriately act right now. quickly getting lost in her thoughts.

she was _very_ well aware of _why_ her grandparents had a hard time seeing past the terrible, inhumane things the blossoms had done to their people for generations, slaughtering every single one of them until there were only a handful of them left.

and as a mockery, a constant reminder of what had happened, the blossoms had a statue of general pickens made, the same man who had slaughtered her grandparents' family and people generations ago. she’d been hearing it since she was a little kid, and she shared the same rage and grief her grandparent did.

maybe not to the same extent, but ever since she was little she had joined them in their mourning every year on pickens day. a celebration of new life for the northside, while a remembrance of what they had lost and could never get back, on the southside,

what the blossoms did could never be reversed, never be erased. 

toni _understood that._ she really did.

but she recognized something in cheryl that first time she saw her.

cheryl was broken too.

and maybe toni was absolutely fucked for thinking that they’d be able to fix each other, be each other’s saving grace in a shithole like riverdale where there was always something luring in the dark, ready to take anyone into it’s harrowing darkness if you weren’t careful enough.

but _god_ , cheryl had become much more than her saving grace.

the redheaded blossom that her grandparents hated, and rightfully so, had become her _everything_. 

“do i have to repeat myself, antoinette?” her grandmother was in front of her now, this stony expression on her face as she eyed toni carefully, expecting an answer. 

“no ma’am.” toni said finally with a small nod of her head, her response earned her a smile from her grandmother, the woman taking toni’s face into her hands as she placed a tender kiss on her forehead. 

“thank you. now, it’s late and you have school tomorrow. i’d get ready for bed if i were you.” her voice was kind now, much different from when she was speaking to her before when she was talking about cheryl. 

toni couldn’t help but let her mind wander to the redhead, wondering what she was doing right now, how she was coping. at the thought of the redhead crying and struggling just as much as she was right now, toni felt her eyes go foggy with tears.

she quickly swallowed it down, giving her grandmother a soft nod. 

“goodnight, grandpa..” toni murmured softly as she made her way over to him, leaning down to give him a hug, letting herself get lost in his comforting embrace for a short moment as she choked back a sob.

she pulled back when it all became too much. 

“goodnight, little dove.” he murmured equally as softly as he gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

and without another word, she made her way to where she would be spending her nights from now on, the cramped room on the left side of the trailer, not far from the door. 

as she was passing, for a split second the thought was there. she could just open the door and drive right back home, back to cheryl and try to forget about all of this. 

but she loved her grandparents, however sporadically they decided to talk. and she didn’t want to go against their wishes. 

with the door to the bedroom finally closed and locked, she finally let her tears escape.

she cried silently the entire time, not wanting to make her grandparents aware of how much she was actually hurting over what had transpired, swallowing down every single sob that tried to tear from her voice box.

with her dress shed, her heels kicked away to the side, face free of makeup, she finally let herself collapse onto the bed which only made her cry harder. 

it smelled nothing like her. _home_. 

she had no resemblance to cheryl here, and after growing accustomed to falling asleep next to her for the past two years, toni had a hard time believing she’d get any sleep at all tonight. 

the tears fell quicker at the realization, knowing she was gonna spend the entire night with nothing but the redhead in her mind, a painful reminder just playing on a loop. 

watching cheryl turn around in complete and utter shock and awe to greet her. nana rose, the old woman she’d also grown accustomed to love taking photos of them.

the look of pure fucking happiness on cheryl’s face when they were announced prom queens, eventhough she knew it was happening since she didn’t let anyone sign themselves up. 

kissing her before they walked up to retrieve their crowns. 

cheryl’s deafening smile as she held her short speech, toni just standing beside her, looking at her like a fucking lovestruck puppy.

their short lived dance after.

and then when it finally came to the point to break the news to cheryl about how she wasn’t going back home with her.

she was crying hysterically before she knew it, shoving her face into the pillow to try and muffle the sound, soften the blows of the sobs that violently escaped her, her chest heaving with every painful intake of breath.

laying here in this bed, she felt stupid for ever taking cheryl’s prescene for granted, hated herself for not tressuring how truly lucky she was to fall asleep next to the woman she loved every night. 

some part of her felt so fucking stupid for reacting how she was right now, but her grandmother’s hatred for the blossoms wouldn’t just disappear over night, there’s no way they’d be able to maintain a happy and stable relationship with someone in their corner who didn’t approve of it. 

acting as a constant reminder of the painful situation they’d been suddenly thrown into out of nowhere.

she didn’t want to have to pretend. she didn’t want to force _cheryl_ to pretend for _her_ , not when she’d gotten so far into finally accepting herself.

_god, she felt so fucking lost._

maybe it would just be better in the long run if they just broke up now instead of beating around the bush, waiting for one of them to inevitably break-

a faint ping from somewhere in the room interrupted her thoughts, and she pulled away from the pillow with a sniffle as she tried to remember where she’d placed her phone.

she wasn’t sure how long she’d been crying for, her grip on the pillow had become slack, her throat aching, her face probably swollen and blotchy from her tears. 

toni slowly sat up, wiping her face with the back of her hand as she got up to begin her search for her phone. she barely had to look for it as she saw it peeking up from under her dress, she retrieved it, tapping her phone screen to life and her heart just fucking dropped when she saw what had caused her phone to go off.

normally, cheryl was a double, triple, quadruple texter, always trying to get an answer as fast as possible, or it was just her neediness making itself known, always manifesting its presence. 

but this time she’d only sent one, and the words just further broke toni’s already shattered heart. 

**baby <3: i miss you.**

toni wasn’t sure how long she’d just stared at the text. she didn’t know if she should respond, if she should get the fuck out of there and take her motorcycle and go to cheryl now, or if she should just let it be. not feed further into her own pain. 

despite her legs feeling like lead, her feet carried her back to bed, slumping back down onto it with a small sob escaping her as she threw her phone back into the pile of her dress, her hands coming up to cover her face as she sobbed into them. 

_she fucking missed her_. 

it had only been a couple of hours, but she _missed_ her. 

and knowing cheryl was missing her too, probably crying her own eyes out completely clouded any of toni’s rational judgement. 

she’d slipped one of her grandfather’s thick jackets on in an instance, pulling on a pair of her old sneakers that were lying around before she slowly and quietly made her way out of the door like she’d done countless of times before to have secret sleepovers with fangs and sweet pea when they were younger.

she rolled her motorcycle for as far as she had the strength to, not wanting to risk waking her grandparents up before she jumped on, putting her helmet on before she started the engine and made her way back _home._

her overthinking hit her halfway there, spiraling as she started thinking about how even though cheryl sent the text, maybe she didn’t actually want her _there._

maybe it was just one of those in the heat of the moment thing. she knew cheryl probably didn’t want to talk to her, knew she’d probably have to apologize her little heart out to cheryl in the morning despite the redhead saying she _understood._

toni nearly turned right back, it wasn’t too late to obey her grandparents' rules, she could just wait and see cheryl tomorrow again, they hadn’t broken up after all. 

but her heart was _aching_ and she just wanted to be back _home._

_home. home. home._

her heart was _hammering_ in her chest as she pulled up, slowly getting off the bike as she looked up, noticing how cheryl’s lights were off.

_maybe she was already asleep? it’s not too late to turn around, toni.._

the pinkette waved any further thoughts away as she let her helmet rest on her bike, making her way around the house since going in through the front door wasn’t an option right now. 

she grunted in exhaustion as she pulled herself up, standing on the downwards slanted roof, right outside the big window she and cheryl had snuck back into a handful of times during their days of theft. 

her hand hovered over the glass, once again contemplating her actions as her heart raced. 

_you can still turn back, toni..it’s not too late_

but it already was. without even thinking, her heart decided for her instead of her head and her hand was coming down to knock on the tinted window before she knew it, her knocks becoming more urgent with every passing second. 

the heavy, red curtain was pulled back and she was met with the sight of that _one_ face, the _one_ person she needed more than anything right now and a small sob was escaping her before she had any time to think. 

_home._

cheryl all but threw the window open, tears of her own trailing down her alabaster cheeks before she helped toni inside, pulling the slightly shorter girl into her once she was within reach. 

and for a short moment, everything felt okay again. toni allowed herself the luxury of just staying wrapped in cheryl’s arms, no words being spoken as the both of them drew comfort from one another. 

“i-i’m sorry, i-it was selfish of m-me to text-” 

“c-cheryl, baby..j-just, shh..” toni whispered softly, weakly. she pulled away with a sniffle, meeting her girlfriend’s eyes as she moved her hands up to gently cup cheryl’s cheeks. “just..hold me, p-please?” 

the redhead opened her mouth to say something, but fell quiet as she just nodded, more tears falling down her cheeks as she led toni to bed.

they didn’t say anything else as cheryl got herself comfortable under the covers before she held her arms out, a small smile tugging on her lips despite the pain both of them were experiencing right now.

toni managed a small smile of her own as she shed her big jacket and kicked her shoes off, immediately joining cheryl in bed, laying down beside her as she curled into her.

and the moment cheryl wrapped her arms around her, feeling those familiar lips rest against her hairline, she just fucking _broke._

she cried harder than she did before. burying her face into cheryl’s neck to try and muffle the sounds, her hand gripping cheryl’s silky nightgown as she tried to anchor herself, anything to stop the utter pain and dread she was feeling right now. 

“tt, you h-have to breathe, my love..” cheryl whispered softly, gently coaxing toni’s face away from her neck so they could look at each other, a heavy pout tugging at cheryl’s lips at the condition toni was in right now. 

“it’s okay..just, t-try and breathe for me, okay? i-i’m not going anywhere..”

toni nodded numbly, one hand cupping cheryl’s neck as she brought their faces closer until their foreheads were touching. 

“i-i’m s-sorry..” 

but cheryl just shook her head, nuzzling their noses together cutely before she spoke up. 

“no need for sorry..i-i just need you to breathe for me, okay?” cheryl’s voice was _so_ soft, so reassuring. 

toni had no other choice than to listen to her.

they made eye contact again, pulling apart a little as cheryl went through the breathing steps with her, coaxing her on, just like toni had done with her countless times before. 

it took it’s time, but they eventually got her breathing back to normal, toni collapsing against cheryl tiredly as they both laid in silence, holding onto each other tightly. 

“what are we gonna do, cher?” she asked after god knows how long. 

“i don’t know, my love..i-i don’t know.” cheryl whispered brokenly as she kept up her soothing touches, running her hand up and down toni’s arm, her brain probably running in overdrive trying to come up with a solution. 

“m-maybe we were d-doomed from the start..” cheryl had uttered the words so quietly that toni _barely_ caught onto them. 

the pink haired girl sat up, brows furrowed in despair as she looked down at the redhead that was resting against the unnecessary amount of pillows on the bed, her gaze downwards as she let out a shuddering breath. 

“d-dont say that..she just..she’ll come around..give her some t-time to get used to the thought of us..” toni spoke with the utmost reassurance, or at least, hoping her words came off that way.

“tt..what-” cheryl abruptly cut herself off, toni frowning in concern as she laid back down again, her arm reaching out to wrap itself around the redhead’s waist. 

“cheryl? what is it?”

“w-what if she..never..comes a-around?” 

_fuck._

“don’t say that, cher. she j-just..she just needs time..” the pinkette didn't know who she was trying to reassure at this point.

god, admittedly, toni hadn’t even thought about that. maybe somewhere she should have, maybe she was stupid for being so optimistic that her grandmother would come around, too hopeful to even think about the outcome cheryl had uttered so heartbrokenly.

yes, the thought of them just breaking up and ending things to avoid all this pain had crossed her mind when she was crying in her grandparents trailer 2 hours ago, but she was upset, crying, she wasn’t thinking straight. 

toni can’t see her life without cheryl in it. can’t imagine a reality where cheryl isn’t there.

there’s no way in hell she’s letting this girl go. ever. 

but cheryl striked a good point. if they continue dating, they’d have to come clean to her grandparents eventually, no matter what. 

“i just..i don’t want to think tonight, baby. i-i don’t want to contemplate the what if’s and but’s..i said that i chose you tonight. tomorrow, tomorrow we can talk about everything a-and try to make sense of it o-or figure it out, but tonight i choose you. i hope you can choose me too.” the pink haired girl blubbered, the words escaping her quickly, forgetting to breathe for a moment. 

until those soft, plump, naked lips were on hers and she swore it was like a breath of fresh air, filling her lungs up with the oxygen she so desperately needed. 

they both pulled back at the taste of salt, meeting each other’s eyes worriedly only to notice that the both of them were crying. at the realization, a soft laugh escaped the both of them, immediately getting to work to wipe away the tears from each other’s faces. 

“i choose you, tt..” cheryl spoke softly, her hands delicately cupping toni’s face into her hands as if she was holding the most important thing in her life. 

which she undoubtedly was.

toni’s bottom lip trembled, not being able to contain her emotions as she surged forward again, their lips melting together as everything around them just disappeared for this moment, no one else important. 

no thought about their uncertain future. no thoughts about toni’s grandmother. no thoughts about anyone that wasn’t _cheryl._

they would take care of it tomorrow, for tonight the only thing on their minds was each other and making sure they were okay.

completely clueless about the repercussions they were going to face tomorrow for this one night.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> *que choni singing you're the one i chooooose*


End file.
